Tarbiyah is derived from the verb rabbi meaning “to make or let grow; to raise, rear, bring up (so); to educate, to teach, instruct (a child).” The root verb is raba/yarbu, which means “to increase, to grow” (Wehr 324). Therefore, tarbiyah is all about education, teaching, and cultivating, with regards to children. Another derivation of raba/yarbu is the verbal noun riba (interest or increase), which according to the Qur’an is heinous and an abomination. Those who practice riba are equal to parasites in Islam and present a complete opposite to those who practice tarbiyah because the former enslave people rather than help them to grow and reach their Allah-given potential. The job of being a parent is a very challenging one in so many ways, and we know from the sayings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) that the mother deserves three times as much compassion and respect from her children as the father because of her huge role in their lives. Another hadith says that the only way to repay one’s father is to find him as a slave in the market and free him, so imagine what one would have to do to repay the mother. Parents are indeed “slaves” to their children, especially in the early years, yet they should be willing and happy ones. As parents and pedagogues (murabbiyun) we should commit ourselves from day one to giving the best care, love, comfort, mercy, and guidance we can to our children for this life and the Hereafter (dunya wa akhirah). Parenthood ought to cultivate unconditional love for our children, which love they will eventually return of their own free will. Consequently, parenthood will engender and enhance our unconditional love for Allah, our Lord and Cherisher.
No matter how tempting it is to use emotional blackmail to control our children, we should try our best to avoid practicing “emotional riba” through them. We do this when we give love and everything else with unjust conditions and expectations, so that rather than allowing our children to reach their Allah-given potential, we overburden them and enslave them so as to repay us for all that we, as parents, sacrificed for them. This is a disastrous mistake to make and can ruin the whole parent-child relationship.
We all know that Islam gives parents rights over their children, but the rights that children have over their parents are little emphasized. In brief, children have rights in Islam—to be loved, cherished, and educated in good manners and beneficial knowledge. It is not a favor on the part of the parents; it is their duty, as hard as it is. Parenthood is the most demanding experience in this world and only Allah can reward parents for their enormous sacrifices. Parents should not expect the rewards to come from their children; however, if parents try good Islamic parenting, then most likely their children will turn out to be balanced individuals who will serve the parents willingly and lovingly. Parents should give of themselves freely and unconditionally, just as their parents should have done with them. Once we have done our best to cultivate our children in Islam, then the rest is up to Allah: to unfold each child’s potential and allow each seed to grow into the individual that he or she is meant to be. From birth, children naturally love their parents unconditionally, so, as parents, we must acknowledge this and reciprocate it even more, as children are totally dependent on us for their well-being and as guides in this ever-changing world.
In this way, parents are like farmers, as they can have some control over the conditions of their children’s cultivation, like a farmer over his crops. However, it is Allah Who makes the seed grow into wheat, corn, or whatever. Only He, from a fertilized egg, makes the child into an individual with unique gifts, talents, or defects. Parents can only do their utmost to create the best conditions for their children to reach their highest potential and to be of the most benefit to their families, communities, and wider society.
Parenthood is the best teacher of unconditional love for humanity and for all the creation that Allah has given us as a means to come closer to Him and to bear all the upsets of life contentedly, for His sake, until we are granted His eternal companionship.
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